I have Learnt

I used to think being a mother was easy. of course, I didn't have children at that point. And while parts of it are easy (like when they're sleeping), a lot of it is pretty tough.
So, what I now know about being a mother:

• People will judge you, know matter what you do. 
• Society expects you to forget who you are as soon as you have children. All of your time and effort is meant to go to them.
• You never hear "how are you?" first. It's always "How are they doing?"
• I must have broken my mother's heart a thousand times.
• Kids are just little balls of mess in a cute outer shell. It's ridiculous.
• Never change the nappy when you first get whiff of the smell. There's more coming.
• Toilet/bath/showers will be shared with little people from now on in.
• Kids can do adult sounding farts. Usually done in the middle of shopping centres and other opportune places to embarrass Mummy.
• We are expected to make it look easy.
• The quickest way to get a toddler to eat something is to tell them bed is the alternative.
• disney movies off by heart.
• To never assume that when the toilet training toddler tells you he needs to do a poo, that he actually needs to do a wee and tell him he can just go outside... Unless you want to have to clean the deck.

What have you learnt?

Surviving Motherhood - How I've done it

Sometimes I wonder how I've survived this far with (most) of my sanity in tact.
so here's how I've done it:

• Take advantage of younger siblings who think they want children. Give them yours. (not forever). Babysitter for you and serious birth control for them - Win/win!

• Cook more than you need. So then, when you're too lazy to cook something, you can pass it off as being organised when you pull a meal out of the freezer with "here's one I prepared earlier."

• Spending lots of time at friends houses so mine doesn't get messed up. To pull this one off, you need to bring along baked goods. Trust me, it's worth it. Especially if said friend has a backyard the kids can play in, while yours is constantly damp and full of leeches. (thanks Belinda!)

• Coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. Or so I'm told. I don't drink coffee. But I do eat copious amounts of chocolate and jelly beans. I figure I'll just use the sugar instead of the caffeine.

• Playgroups - you can hand your feral child off for a couple of hours while you sit and watch someone else read them the same book for the hundredth time. This usually comes at the small cost of a piece of fruit - well worth it.

• Hats. Bad hair day instantly gone. Need I say more?

• Bribery. Don't looked shocked. Who doesn't do it? Luckily, my toddler gets really excited about the prospect of a roll from Baker's Delight, so I'm pretty safe for now. AND if he does get distracted while I do my lolly isle run, I can usually placate him with a box of tictacs. At home, it's bribery with frozen peas and corn. Cuz someone was VERY clever when they made those veggies look like little lollies.

• Sex. Whenever I can get it. Why? Because I enjoy it. Because it makes me feel human. Because it says that there's more to life than singing the same song over and over again, or changing a poosplosion. Yes. Even when I'm really, really tired and the kids and sick and it feels like my eyelids are sandpapering my eyeballs. I'll sleep when the kids nap tomorrow.

• Lying. No honey, there's no sushi. No, those are Grandad's donuts, he'll get cranky. No, the chocolate must be stuck in the machine. Yes, that is a biscuit. Yes that's chocolate. (really an olive).

But in all seriousness. My family - especially my little sisters pretty much jump at the chance to look after their nephew and niece. My friends who I can talk about anything to and who also know when nothing needs to be said.

And the biggest thing that has kept me sane?

Knowing I get to spend every day with him =]

Bad Mumma If...?

A lot of the time I'd rather spend more time with Dexter than with Lola.
Does that make me a bad mother?

It's not that I don't love her. Her little smiles melt my heart. I could spend hours trying to make her smile... If I didn't have another child.

It's just that Dex is so independent. This morning he said "Mummy go now." to me at daycare. I'm being dismissed by a child who's not even two.
If he's doing this, how much longer do I have to spend with him?
How much longer will he be asking to hold my hand? Or for cuddles? Or give me those weird kisses where he grabs hold of my ears and mooshes his whole face against mine?
For how much longer will he ask me to help with his yogurt? Or want to sit with me while we cook?

It's tough really. Either way, I may miss out on something. But for right now, Lola is content sitting with her Daddy. And I'm content spending time with Dex before he decides daddies are way cooler because they mow lawns and chop wood and all that other loud stuff. Is it wrong that I want to keep him to myself just a little bit longer if I can?

My life of late

Because I am narcissistic naive enough to think people I don't know care so much about my blog life that they have been wondering what I've been up to, I'll fill you all in.

I had a baby four weeks a go (but you knew that).

I got a staph infection two weeks a go. It's lovely. You should see it. ACTUALLY you should have seen it when I was at the hospital at 2am getting it lanced because it was oozing out my skin. Told you. LOVELY.

We (all of us) are moving in with my parents. And my two teenage sisters. Crazy us, hey? It's... full on, to say the least. I thought it would have been different to the way it is. I thought because everyone is older it would be a little more civil, but it's not. Girls fight, no matter the age.
Maddi (20) likes confrontation... She enjoys arguing. And she hates when I don't bite back. It's SO satisfying to win. (Take THAT! Maddison)
Michellie is a 16 year old girl... need i say more? Except because mum works ridiculous hours, she's not used to someone asking her to clean her room constantly until it gets done. Mum is just too tired. So now, here I am. Because if it doesn't get done, I get to hear Dad yell about it. And life is much more pleasant when Dad is happy. (He stalks around the house and snaps at people who look at him the wrong way).
I wonder if he'd try and ground me now if I pissed him off?

So anyway... I'm now cooking for six. Cooking healthier meals than they've had in ages, because usually they're all eating on the go with crazy schedules they're all keeping. I'm enjoying it, but it's a little annoying.
I asked them (family) if there was anything in particular they wanted to eat at the start of the week. No one said shit.
Then, tonight, I made a chicken pasta (minced chicken, fresh tomatoes, mushrooms, spring onion, white wine, sour cream, some herbs - delish!) and I asked Mum if Dad would eat it. She replied:
"I think he just wants a steak."
THEN FUCKING TELL ME YOU WANT A STEAK WHEN I ASK!!!


I'm not the best lately. I'm struggling.
I don't think I have post natal depression.
It's everything building up.
It's nothing to do with having two kids. I love both of them. Not wanting to shake them or anything.
I don't want them to go away so I can get some sleep, I want everything else to go away.
I want moving house to go away.
I want staph infection to go away.
I want blood pressure issues to go away.
I want money issues to go away.
I want it all to go away so I can get some sleep.

So my kids don't suffer.
So Pat doesn't suffer.
So I don't suffer!

sometimes, I hate you.

I have a confession.
Right now, I feel like a terrible mother.
Which is better than how I felt this morning.
Right now, I'm sick. I have a staph infection - so I'm pretty run down. I have a newborn who loves feeding for two hours and then throwing it all up again, so she's hungry. But only does it at night. We also drove 2.5 hours home from Pat's dad's house, getting home at midnight.
It's still no excuse, but I thought I'd give you the background.
Miraculously, Dolores slept for a good 5 hour block last night, woke at 5:30am for a feed. Then Dex started SCREAMING.
He was still tired - over tired, but refused to go back to sleep.
He wouldn't stop screaming.
I was exhausted.
I was screaming.
I yelled at him "Sometimes I hate you!"
And then I burst into tears.
Because I don't. And I didn't mean it.
And I instantly wished I could take it back.

What I meant to say was, I hate the way you're behaving right now. Not I hate you. Never, I hate you.
I felt terrible. I still do.
I got him up and gave him breakfast and we snuggled and watched How to Train your Dragon. After a little while I asked him if he wanted to go back to sleep and he did.
We all went back to sleep.
But I still feel so bad.
And so, SO grateful that he is too young to ever remember what I said to him.

Have you said something you regretted to your child?

Make Believe

Do you ever pretend you're not a mummy?
I've tried.
A couple of times. I was bad at it the first time, so I figured I'd try again.

I suck at it.
I can't comprehend how (or why) mother's can pretend they don't have a little person(s) at home that they love and are responsible for and who's lives they revolve around.
It doesn't seem natural.
I understand needing a break occasionally. God knows I do.
The last two weeks would have been hell if Pat wasn't here to help with both Dex and Dolores.

But would I ever pretend I don't have them? NO way.
They are what I was born to do.
I mean sure - there will be other things in my life as well, but nothing as important as them.
Why would I pretend they didn't exist?
Even just for a little bit?
It's like pretending you don't have a soul. Or are missing an arm. Painful and pointless.

If you want to pretend you don't have children, why did you have them in the first place?
I'm definitely not saying you should have your children in tow 24/7. That is just silly. You'd go insane.
Sometimes even going to the doctors is a welcome break here!
I won a $300 spa voucher and I'm planning on getting the 5 hour full treatment.
But will I pretend my kids don't exist? No way. They are the reason I deserve my treatment.


What do you think?
Do you pretend you don't have kids sometimes?

Pregnancy and it's limitations

There are things you expect pregnancy to limit you doing.
Roller derby, getting tattooed, fitting into clothes properly, the missionary position...

I didn't really think it would affect my ability to budget, to support local businesses and to give my family the fresher food possible (I know Woolworths claims to be the Fresh Food People, but I'm sure it's not fresher than the growers markets - sorry!). But it has.

I can't do the markets any more, it's too hot and I get dizzy, my heart beats fast and I get REALLY hot.
Which is disappointing. Not only do I like supporting these farmers, my wallet likes it too. I like it because I know it's fresh and when I'm buying things, I know it's available because it's in season. My wallet likes it because the fruit and veg from the markets is a fraction of the price of the supermarke variety. But I guess beggars (or those with blood pressure issues) can't be choosers.

On the bright side, we got a meat delivery. It costs us $85 for 10kg of meat. And it's good cuts. In that we get roasts, steaks, mince... Lots of things. Makes it 1) Easier for me - the gentleman delivers it and brings it right into my kitchen. 2) cheaper for me and 3) better for me, because all the meat is raised by them on their farm and butchered by them. The family is into it's 4th generaton of butchers or something like that!

So, back to the Pregnancy side of things.
I've decided that I'm going to get massage/reflexology on my ankles at 36 weeks in hopes of inducing labour. I know that you all might think I'm a little crazy, BUT I was induced with Dex at 37 1/2 weeks. We're only having two kids. My blood pressure is up high already. I want to experience going into labour naturally, if it's possible. I don't think that's unreasonable.

I'm sick of not being able to walk properly, because every step sends shooting pains down my back and across my pelvis. I'm sick of not being able to sleep properly. Or eat properly. Or shower properly!
I can't cuddle Dex or play with him like he deserves. We have a shower together every morning and every night. it's our down time. our quiet time together. Water - showers in particular, really mellow him out. He likes to just climb onto my lap and cuddle me. It's getting to the point where this is almost physically impossible and I miss it.

I know a lot of things will change when this little doll comes along, but my shower cuddles are one thing I'm going to cling on to...

My Little Mister

This is Dexter.

(I did have a photo on here, but I got a creepy comment from a random named "John" so I have removed it).

He is my adorable, energetic, cheeky, life loving, opportunity grabbing 18 month old son. He is completely adorable and a little bit strange sometimes.

There are people in my life who are lucky enough to know him personally. For those of you missing out, let me tell you a little about him.

He likes drinking bath water. And eating bubbles. I'm not entirely sure why, but he is obsessed. Don't worry though, he'll try and share with you by saying "Ta!" in the cutest little voice and offering some too you, you'll feel compelled to pretend drink/eat what ever he's having.

He LOVES animals. Up until recently, everything has been a gog (dog). Now, it's either a dog, cat or a bird. Doesn't matter which one it REALLY is, he will still try and grab it's head/tail/body part within reach and drag it to his face for a kiss. Or five.

He's started toilet training himself. He tells me "poos" when he needs to go to the toilet. This word covers wees, poos and farts. Yesterday he was wet when he got up because he'd woken at 5am. He told me poos and I pretty much said "yes dear" but he was ademant, so I put him on the toilet and he did a wee. He was then running around without a nappy on, told me poos again and I assumed he just needed to do another wee, so I told him "good boy for telling mummy! you just do poos outside, ok?" That's why I had to clean poo off the deck.

He loves to laugh and loves making other people laugh. He will sit with his father and they'll both squeal at each other and takes turns giggling. It's a great game. He will also say "toes!" and try and eat your toes, because you freaking out about a child trying to eat your toes is obviously hilarious.

Dexter LOVES babies. Everything is a baby now. He rubs my belly and says baby! and kisses it. However, the other day I had no shirt on. My belly button has popped out. So he says baby, pats my belly and then ever so gently MOUTHED MY BELLY BUTTON! He thought it was great fun. I was mortified. No more shirt free belly kissings for a while.

He'll also rub his dad's belly and say baby and the other day he pulled up his shirt and made me rub his own belly and say baby. Obviously a little confused at the whole concept, but I think he's doing pretty well for 18 months.

He amazes me every day with the new words that come out. He's going to start day care on monday and I can't help but feel he won't be my little mister anymore. He'll be a bit more grown up and a bit closer to being the beautiful, funny, sensitive, caring and handsome man I know he will be one day.

Lazy Sundays

Last night I was sitting here reading food blogs (as one does on a saturday night) and I found the AMAZING thestonesoup

Her recipes look delicious, simple, healthy and quick to make. She even has 2 free ecookbooks in the archives. In particular, I want to make the Laksa from her first free ecookbook and the LAMB_CURRY. So with these in mind and some inspiration to be healthy, using locally grown produce, I headed off to the markets to do my groceries.

Remember the $50 budget I had? Today I tried sticking to it. I had $50 and some coins in my wallet. So I got:

From the markets. That's mushrooms, bananas, apples, caps, lettuce, onions, sweet potato, zuccini, squash, cucumber, broccoli and fresh basil. All for $25.00

Then I went to the supermarket. And got:

(And looking at that, I've just realised I've forgotten coconut cream for the Laksa)

Any way - We have Lamb, beef, cream, spinach leaves, laksa paste, tuna, salmon and noodles for $29.77

Plus a couple of dollars for the Coconut cream I will have to go back for (we're having the damn laksa!)

And there is my reason for deciding to become predominantly vegetarian. We've played with it in the past. We both (Pat and I) felt healthier. Pat didn't get so bloated and lethargic. But I usually revert to meat dishes because I have no inspiration or because it's easier. Looking at the price difference though, there really isn't any reason to make excuses.

So there you have it. We will probably still have a meat dish once or twice a week. Although, I am really looking forward to the Lamb and Spinach Curry that I linked earlier in the post (HERE it is again in case you missed it). It just looks so fresh and flavourful!

Let me know what you think of that site. And if you have any other favourite foodie blogs, please, send them my way. I have a lot of hours to kill and there is only so many brownies I can eat.

The Pram is Here!

So, this is my new pram:

The Joovy Caboose Stand-on Tandem. And I must say, I'm really impressed. I'm a crazy person who saw this pram on the internet and thought it was really cool. I liked that I could put a capsule on it and I liked the concept of the older child being able to sit or stand on it, giving both you and them more freedom. I had no idea how big it was. I heard that it was compact. (I have a Toyota Corolla Hatch back so I hoped the reports where true). I heard that despite what it says on the website, the older child CAN sit while the capsule is in place.

So the first photo is to show you that it IS compact. Actually, all the photos show that. But this is as narrow as a capsule. No joke. It's narrower than my normal pram! Middle photo is with the capsule in place and Dex sit/standing on the seat/platform. And last photo is to show you just how little the pram actually is.

Things that impressed me that I didn't even know about? The front seat folds all the way back into a laying position (they need to update the website) and there is a 5 point harness for the child sitting on the toddler seat if you wish. AND it only cost me $360 including the caspule attachment. I think that's pretty darn impressive. (and no, I'm not getting paid for this advertising... I should be though!)

The other thing I want to show you is this:



I'm not sure if it looks as impressive as it tastes, but it tastes REALLY good. It is also fairly cheap to make. So, recipe time.

Garlic Buttered Roast Pumpkin and Bacon Pasta.

(very descriptive title)

1/2 Butternut pumpkin - small cubes

3 rashers bacon - diced

TBSP (?) Butter/margarine

tsp (?) minced garlic.

Pasta

Prehead oven to 180 degrees celcius

Melt butter, add garlic.

Put pumpkin in to an oven safe dish. Drizzle butter all over and mix well so all pumpkin is covered.

Chuck it in the oven. Took me about 45 minutes to cook it.

About half way through (so 20 minutes-ish) Add bacon.

Stir around a couple of times throughout cooking time to make sure everything is garlic-ed and buttered.

Cook your desired amount of pasta (I used fettucine)

When pumpkin and bacon is cooked (pumpkin should be tender but not mushy) add pasta to the dish and mix everything together so pasta gets garlic buttered too.

Serve and enjoy =]

5:45am

Why hello 5:45am... You are no time for a toddler to be awake.

I have no idea what has gotten into Dex recently. His sleeps have been absolutely terrible. Nothing in his routine has changed, but he has been not going to bed until later (10 – 11) or going to bed normally (8) and then waking up at previously mentioned times and staying awake for an hour or so. If I just leave him, he head butts walls and the door and gives himself terrible bruises and works himself up terribly. Last night I thought we were going to be ok. Silly me should have known.

We stayed up and watched The Expendables and Easy A (which is hilarious, I might add) so we didn't get to bed until arounf12:30am. Hadn't heard a peep out of him, so I figured it was just a rough night. But no, guess who's up at 5:45am ready to rock and roll. It's days like this that make me wish I had enrolled him in day care already (which goes from 6:30am – 6:30pm if you choose) and I could just get him dressed, drop him off and he would be someone else's tornado for the day.

Does that make me a bad mother? Of course not. It makes me the same as every other mother who wishes she had extra sleep, because she recognises that lack of sleep makes her cranky and prone to snapping. But, I haven't enrolled him yet. So I guess its "Suck it up, princess!" for me today.

I have an antenatal meeting today too. First one since I spent the night in hospital. I'm actually wondering if she's stopped growing!

That is a picture of my tiny, tiny 29 week belly. I can't believe that I'm ¾ my way through the pregnancy and that's all I've got. Half the time people don't want to ask in case I tell them I'm just fat! I'm supposed to be at the stage where people are offering to carry my groceries for me! Not that anyone in Coffs Harbour is polite enough to do that, but anyway.

Pat is about to go away for a couple of days. He leaves tomorrow for Soundwave. I'm pretty jealous. I wish I was going so I could watch Social Distortion. BUT apparently pregnant women who have blood pressure issues shouldn't spend time in long lines in the sun. So instead, I'm playing single mum for the weekend. I'm only a little bitter, really. I want him to have a really good time. He never spends enough time or money on himself.

I should go eat or something. Before I fall asleep on the keyboard and the rest of my blog is zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Motivate Me

I've been suffering a serious lack of motivation lately.
It just seemed tooooooo hard to try and get under $50. So i didn't write my shopping list.

I didn't write my meal plan. I didn't even take my bags along to Aldi.

I did, however, still find myself gravitating towards the seconds trolley at the fruit shop before I went anywhere else. I did also take a big box from the fruit market to use at Aldi so I didn't have to buy any bags.

I really love Aldi. I know it sounds strange. I know people who HATE going there, because you can't get everything in one store and they hate having to do more than one shop. But I love groceries. I wait for every wednesday so I can go grocery shopping.

On the bright side. Even though I couldn't be effed to try and get under $50 - I only ended up spending $70. Which included a 1.5kg pack of chicken roasting peices and a 2kg bulk mince pack, which has been divided into four portions. So I guess I really didn't do too badly at all, considering this week once again, I will only need to buy fruit and veg (and bread).

I think the easiest part to sticking to the $50 budget is being flexible. There's no point being really strict on it, if spending a little bit more money this week is going to save you money in the long run. If you're not organised and divide it and freeze it as soon as you get it home, then buying in bulk is probably not going to help you at all. It does take a little bit getting used to. I used to just pack everything into the freezer and hope for the best. But I've found that being organised in the kitchen gives me a sense of accomplishment (kind of sad, I know). It might be because the Witching Hour is always terrible and having an organised freezer makes it just that little bit easier to handle.

Here's a little tip I was given in the storing of meat - bacon in particular - because we buy 1kg at a time but only ever use about 3 rashers at a time. So a Tupperware tip (although you'll notice it's not in tupperware, it's in chinese containers) Roll it. like so:



Then, when you need some, you can just clip of what you need rather than trying to defrost it partially so you don't have to use the whole thing and end up with chunky bits missing from your bacon. I thought it was genius.

Also, I got my new Car Baby. She doesn't have a name yet, but she's red and sexy and smells pretty. I will wash her then take a photo for you all to see and be jealous. Hehe.

Drove her down to Newcastle on Friday (the day after I got her). I shouldn't have gone, but I'm glad I did. It was for my Aunty's 40th birthday party and we ended up leaving 9:30pm saturday night (party night) because Dex wasn't sleeping, didn't sleep the night before until 11:30pm and up at 6am and my anxiety said "I just want to be home." Didn't end up making it home, got to Bonville to my parent's house (about 20 mins away) and crashed there.
Glad to be back and have Dex sleeping though. He slept for 5 hours today. FIVE HOURS. And, is back in bed at 8:30pm tonight. Poor little guy must have been exhausted.

I have no recipes for you today, I still haven't gotten around to making my Curried apple and Lentil Dal, so I will do that this week and let you know how it goes.

xx

The who, when and why

I always hate these.
Because everything you read tells you different things about what these first posts should include.

So I'm going to do my own thing, a sort of who we are, why I'm doing this and when the Doll is due.

I'm Jess, mother of one and a half. One, being my 16 month old son named Dexter, who is currently driving his lawnmower into the front door which he just slammed shut. Life is always noisy interesting with him around. Half being the little girl I'm currently incubating. Due in 4 months - 11 May 2011. A very short time away.

Like I've said - We're not poor, but if I don't stop spending, we will be. It's just so easy to spend money. It's hardly ever on myself, usually on my son and Doll-to-be. Or Hubby, who get frustrated becasue he'd rather continue wearing the undies with holes in them that are worn and comfortable, than have me spending money. Especially since he's just bought me a brand new car. I've never had one of those before!

So, this is us. Me, setting myself the goal of spending only $50 a week to feed the three of us. Will be interesting. My plan will be once I'm at $50, that's it. I'm not allowed to spend any more. Probably a couple of Weetbix dinners for the first couple of weeks while I figure it all out.

And, trying to prepare for the Arrival, whilst spending the smallest amount possible... I still need a double pram, a capsule, another car seat, nappies (cloth) and all those other wondeful bits and bobs that must accompany children.

Oh yeah, going to try toilet training my son in the midst of all this too.


So there you have it. If you like it, welcome, stick around. If you don't, GTFO