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23 year old going on 50. I take my carry basket to the farmers markets every week and Avoid getting a tan at all costs. I also have lots of tattoos. Two beautiful children and a "Hubby". And an obsession with cooking - moving into a place that doesn't have an oven...

Friday, May 6, 2011

sometimes, I hate you.

I have a confession.
Right now, I feel like a terrible mother.
Which is better than how I felt this morning.
Right now, I'm sick. I have a staph infection - so I'm pretty run down. I have a newborn who loves feeding for two hours and then throwing it all up again, so she's hungry. But only does it at night. We also drove 2.5 hours home from Pat's dad's house, getting home at midnight.
It's still no excuse, but I thought I'd give you the background.
Miraculously, Dolores slept for a good 5 hour block last night, woke at 5:30am for a feed. Then Dex started SCREAMING.
He was still tired - over tired, but refused to go back to sleep.
He wouldn't stop screaming.
I was exhausted.
I was screaming.
I yelled at him "Sometimes I hate you!"
And then I burst into tears.
Because I don't. And I didn't mean it.
And I instantly wished I could take it back.

What I meant to say was, I hate the way you're behaving right now. Not I hate you. Never, I hate you.
I felt terrible. I still do.
I got him up and gave him breakfast and we snuggled and watched How to Train your Dragon. After a little while I asked him if he wanted to go back to sleep and he did.
We all went back to sleep.
But I still feel so bad.
And so, SO grateful that he is too young to ever remember what I said to him.

Have you said something you regretted to your child?


  1. A fair few times. In moments of frustration, I have said the same thing and immeditly cried and hugged him.

  2. I've done this too. Try not to beat yourself up to much about it. We all have days where things don't go well, when we are tired and cranky and our kids drive us crazy. You are a great Mum, as I am too, but every now and then it all gets on top of us and we lash out. Just remember, you are doing the best you can. xx

  3. If y0u haven't already seen this... Please take it the way its intended... t0 make y0u smile, and kn0w y0ur n0t al0ne. Hugs


  4. Thanks Vicky - I have seen it.
    tomorrow we're having a hang out day and i can't wait. EVerything is so full on at the moment I miss him. I miss having time to spend with him and talk to him and have our crazy conversations...
    Can't wait to get into a routine.