Letter to Dexter

Dexter,

You are almost 18 months old. I can't believe that I have had you for nearly a year and a half now. It seems like such a short time for someone to have become my entire life.

I can't imagine not having you. When I had you, and they first plopped you onto my chest, still mucky, all I could do was stare at you. Watch you curl your finger around my hand as if you knew who I was. You looked at me and it was as if you looked straight into my soul. I was completely amazing that I could have created something so perfect.

There was no other word for you. There still isn't. There are other words to describe your personality, but you? You are perfect. You light up my life. Your smile is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, the way it lights up your entire face. Your laugh is infectious and can chase the worst thoughts from my mind and the tears from my eyes. Your cries break my heart. I hate to hear them, but at the same time, I love knowing you are crying for me, because you want me.

You are such a clever little boy. You say so many words. We have just gotten a cat and you are convinced it's a Gog (dog). Everything with four legs is a "gog". You love them. You pat them, give them kisses and get so excited when you see any sort of animal. You also love "Ball". You get so excited when we go and see Nanna and Grandad at the bowling alley. You clap your little hands and climb up all the stairs by yourself.

You are so independent that sometimes it scares me. We have just turned your cot into a toddler bed and the other night when I checked on you in your sleep, you were laying on your stomach, sprawled across the bed, your head on the pillow, one arm under the pillow and the other hanging off the side of the bed. It was so easy to imagine you exactly like that in 15 years that it brought tears to my eyes.

You are going to have a little sister soon. You love babies as well. You have my old cabbage patch dolls and you pick them up and kiss them and make me kiss them too. You like to try and feed them Lego. You rub my tummy and say "Baby" in such an affectionate, gorgeous way. I know you are going to be a great big brother.

Things will change when your little sister comes along. But I want you to know, you will always be my baby boy. You will always be the one that started it all. Made me, me. Gave me a purpose, gave me someone to be. I love you with all my heart and I couldn't imagine my life without you.

I love you, a thousand times, I love you.

Mummy