Done like a dinner.

I'm completely over it.

I feel like crying.

I want to know this is going somewhere.

I've been having contractions for approximately 30 hours now.

No plug has been seen.

Yesterday at 4pm the hospital told me I was 1cm dialated and in early labour. To go home and wait it out.

I've slept almost 7 hours last night. And here they are this mornign.

I've napped this afternoon - about 2 hours. And here they still are.

But are they going anywhere?!?!

Everything I've been reading says yes it IS going somewhere because they SEEM to be getting stronger.

But maybe that's just my brain tricking me so I don't completely flip?

I just want her out. Because I'm sick of the pain and the inconvenience (of the contractions - not being pregnant) and I'm sick of having no tolerance for Dex and it's all just not fair.

Soon

She's coming soon.
I know it.
I can feel it.
I feel calm and excited and prepared.
I feel like Dexter is ready to be a big brother.
I'm ready to meet this little person who will change my life, just like her brother did.
I'm ready to learn new things.
I'm ready to laugh. And to cry. And to be immensly proud. And frustrated.
I know there will be times I'll feel lost and I know that's ok.

I'm ready.

Still here

Had my reflexology yesterday.

Still here today, a bit more achey than usual.

Had my 36 week check today - at which the Dr refused to do an internal to see how everything is going, because if I am starting to dialate, an internal would possibly kick things into gear.

Fine Mr Dr. I'll do it myself.

I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting - to walk out of the massage therapist's shop and have my waters break. I'm not THAT silly. But I was hoping I'd have more than just a few niggles. In saying that though, a few niggles is a lot more than I DID have. So who knows.

Guess all I can do is wait. I hate waiting. Never was my forte.

I did get to see her today though - the Doctor did a scan instead of the doppler. Yay =]

So the plan goes...

Dex showing you all where the baby is. If all goes to plan, this time in two weeks I'm going to be holding my little girl in my arms.

Or at least well on my way to holding her in my arms.

Which is scary. Exciting. Thrilling. Nerve wracking. So many things in my "plan" could go wrong. It could completely not work.

I could go in for observation next week and they could tell me I'm not allowed to go home.

I could go for my reflexology only to have my body decide not to respond.

I could go to my reflexology and have it not happen as quickly as I planned it would, to go to my doctors appointment the next day and tell me they are inducing me.

I COULD go on and on about the different scenarios that may happen. But I'm not going to.

Instead, I'm going to say: When i go into labour, my sister Maddi, my mum Fiona and my partner Pat will be there with me to support me. My mum knows she will be kicked out if she says certain things to me (another blog topic entirely). My sister knows what to do as she was there for my first. And Pat - well he was good at making me laugh.

My little sister Michellie will be looking after Dex. My Dad will (hopefully) be looking after the Bowling Alley (check their website HERE).

I am well aware they may want to give me an epidural again because of my blood pressure. When I had Dex, I only had the initial blocker and that worked well. I plan on explaining this to them.

I am well aware I may feel like I need the gas again. And I am not opposed to this.

No one is going to give me a medal for having no pain relief. So I do not need to try and be a hero about it.

In the same token, if I don't feel I need/want it - I'm not going to have it just because it's there. I WOULD like to not have the gas - it was a weird feeling.

I think this time around I feel a lot more prepared. Prepared because I'm going to actively try and go into labour early, so I can experience it. I'm more calm about it. Dex's labour was 3.5 hours of confusion, not knowing what was happening or why and unsureness of what I was doing. I never had a chance to come to terms with the fact I was having a BABY - I couldn't get past the birth.

This time, I'm ready. Bring it on. I have wonderful support people. I have a realistic view. I have a gorgeous son who proves to me I've done it before, I can do it again.

(if anyone says these words to me in the labour ward - you're out!)

Pregnancy and it's limitations

There are things you expect pregnancy to limit you doing.
Roller derby, getting tattooed, fitting into clothes properly, the missionary position...

I didn't really think it would affect my ability to budget, to support local businesses and to give my family the fresher food possible (I know Woolworths claims to be the Fresh Food People, but I'm sure it's not fresher than the growers markets - sorry!). But it has.

I can't do the markets any more, it's too hot and I get dizzy, my heart beats fast and I get REALLY hot.
Which is disappointing. Not only do I like supporting these farmers, my wallet likes it too. I like it because I know it's fresh and when I'm buying things, I know it's available because it's in season. My wallet likes it because the fruit and veg from the markets is a fraction of the price of the supermarke variety. But I guess beggars (or those with blood pressure issues) can't be choosers.

On the bright side, we got a meat delivery. It costs us $85 for 10kg of meat. And it's good cuts. In that we get roasts, steaks, mince... Lots of things. Makes it 1) Easier for me - the gentleman delivers it and brings it right into my kitchen. 2) cheaper for me and 3) better for me, because all the meat is raised by them on their farm and butchered by them. The family is into it's 4th generaton of butchers or something like that!

So, back to the Pregnancy side of things.
I've decided that I'm going to get massage/reflexology on my ankles at 36 weeks in hopes of inducing labour. I know that you all might think I'm a little crazy, BUT I was induced with Dex at 37 1/2 weeks. We're only having two kids. My blood pressure is up high already. I want to experience going into labour naturally, if it's possible. I don't think that's unreasonable.

I'm sick of not being able to walk properly, because every step sends shooting pains down my back and across my pelvis. I'm sick of not being able to sleep properly. Or eat properly. Or shower properly!
I can't cuddle Dex or play with him like he deserves. We have a shower together every morning and every night. it's our down time. our quiet time together. Water - showers in particular, really mellow him out. He likes to just climb onto my lap and cuddle me. It's getting to the point where this is almost physically impossible and I miss it.

I know a lot of things will change when this little doll comes along, but my shower cuddles are one thing I'm going to cling on to...

Don't take hubby grocery shopping.

I'm not even joking.

It seems when he comes shopping with me, both our self control centres go out the window. Maybe they are too busy trying to decide what ice cream they are going to buy to actually do their job.

we spent $80 on crappy food. Well, It wasn't ALL crappy. There was $20 worth of chicken, because he had to have chicken for lunch. We got milk too, because to do actually really need that. And there was cream cheese, because he had to have cream cheese on the sandwich too. And Soft drink, because we don't have any and we need it. Yeah, just like my pregnant bum needs those 3 packets of tim tams we bought because they were on special and the tub of icecream purchased for the same reason.

(I did get a $2 block of apricot and almond cheese and a box of crackers that I am totally NOT regretting at all.$3.35 well spent).

It makes me cranky as soon as we get home, because he likes to stress - particularly about money. Rarely a day goes by where he doesn't make a comment about needing to save or pay off debts or somethign else along those dreary lines.

But I am convinced that if he just avoided the supermarket, we could probably put a deposit on a house with the savings we would make! (This is a slight over exhaggeration. He'd need to quit smoking too).

Of course, I'm a big girl, so I can't just dump all the blame on him. Part of me says "you should tell him no!" but the other part says "He's a big boy, he doesn't need another mother, let him live with the choices." I need to be stronger when we go to the shops together and not give in to my wants just because he's not listening to his self control - I bought the tim tams. Makes me want to kick my own pregnant bum. But then my brain tells me to just calm down and have another tim tam, getting worked up isn't good for my blood pressure. So I do.

Speaking of pregnant - here is the latest photo froma progession shoot I'm doing with Captured With Love Photography (check them out, gorgeous stuff!). Cab you believe that's my 30 week belly? See the something sticking out from under my ribs? Weird, huh. Whats even weirder is that I've only got about 8 weeks left. I'm convinced I won't go to 40 weeks. At 37 +5 with Dex I was 4cm dialated. Either way, even if I do go to full term, 2 months and I'll have my baby girl in my arms.

She'll most likely be nameless, because let's be honest, you remember a slutty girl's name heaps before you remember a douchebag boys name, so Sophie who was holding hands with boys in year one totally turns you of that name, while Patrick who once hit you with his hat and made you bruise doesn't stick in your memory as strongly. (no, the Patrick I'm referring to wasn't the Patrick I'm now currently having babies with).

Any way - The point of this blog was to show everyone that I'm definitely not perfect. There are times when I drop the ball. When it's easier to not care about budgets. But the important thing is, I don't like doing it. It doesn't feel good. I imagine it's like trying to lose weight. You can have a splurge day, but instead fo making you feel good, it just makes you feel worse and you vow to try harder next time. And that's what I'll do.

So we all learn something.

Something's Up.

Seriously.
Something is going to happen. Why? Because my house is clean. My bathroom has been cleaned, I've done two loads of washing today, I've baked muffins. Dinner is already cooked and THE DISHES ARE WASHED after it. As well as all the dishes I've used today. I've even got Rice Pudding baking in the oven! I've put away clothes that were hanging around deciding whether they were dirty or not, made beds, cleared up stuff that has been waiting for the baby to arrive, showered the child, fed said child and now he is asleep in bed.

What's so bad about all that? It's not me. I'm not that mother. I'm not organised. My house is usually a kerfuffle. We have too much stuff and nowhere to put it. And I HATE washing up. Which I have done twice today. Dexter hardly ever goes to sleep this early. I'm certainly never organised to have him bathed, feb and dressed ready to go to bed this early.

I'm sure you all think I'm being completely silly. BUT I think someone (the universe or whoever) is conspiring against me. Why? I feel like this is the calm before the storm.
A lot of you don't know (I didn't blog it) but last monday I spent the night in hospital. Contractions, a bit of a show - everything you want at 27 weeks. The good thing was, I wasn't officially in labour. The bad thing is, I was told to not do anything or I would end up in labour.
They let me go home the next day - they were PACKED! - with a script for Panadine Forte and strict orders to do nothing around the house. Or outside the house, or anything other than looking after Dex, really.
So that's why I'm worried.
I'm stressing, because I thought I had my hospital bag all packed, but guess what? It has no undies in it! How can it be a hospital bag with no undies? It also has no maternity pads OR breast pads. Super organised, hey.

So, that's my rant. Probably, nothing will happen. Maybe, something will. At least if it does, the house will be clean and everything will be organised. Except my underwear, of course.